GO

And so it starts.   January 27, 2014

Didn't sleep well last night.  I must have gotten some sleep, cuz I remember getting beat up by a couple of very tall high school kids at a hardware store, in my dream.  Was that wierd?  Maybe they represent the Chemo.  I'll have to ask Dawn about that one.
 Headed over to Huntsman C. Institute for my dry run in radiation.  Of course they were running behind about an hour, so I just hung out worrying about puking on myself.  "Dr. Santora, we are ready for you."  Heart-rate goes up a little.

"We are going to your vault, sir".  Humm Vault that sounds nice.  Laying on a gurney is becoming routine.  "Here are your teeth/mouth guards", in they go.  No gagging yet. "Now, your mask" on it goes, and man is it tight.  They clip it to the gurney (with my head in it) and I begin my mind meditation to try not to gag.  "Stay focused, Don't panic, Keep breathing..."  That's my Mantra.  I've used it before in stressful situations. Scuba diving, rock climbing after my rope was cut.  Things like that.  So far, so good.  About ten minutes into it, my jaw starts to twitch.  A few seconds later it is like a full on sewing machine.  Again it is like climbing when you get to a really hard spot and your legs are contracted but not going anywhere when all of a sudden WHAM, One of your legs starts jumping up and down like a wild banshee.  Well, picture this:  Face strapped down.  Jason in his Hockey Mask.  Jaw jumping out of control, and me trying to push the mouth guards out the small holes in my fine mesh mask, while my mind is thinking of a thousand things at once.  I felt very skiddish.  Finally,  the all clear signal was given, "You did great, Dr. Santora"  Oh, if they only knew, if they only knew.

So how bad can Chemo be?
Up we go to the infusion area.  Big, airy, open cubicles with a big Lazy Boy chair, a TV, and all the medical equipment needed to draw blood, start IV's and give Chemo through your veins.  Jane and I settled in front of a 20 foot picture window overlooking our beautiful Salt Lake Valley.  Today, it looked like someone had lit a giant Cigar and blew all the smoke and dirt and pollution right into the valley.  We could barely see the mountains to our west.  It made me sad, but we sat there anyway.

Ok,  If you are sitting there and wondering what you can do to help Jane and me, I just thought of something.  E-mail Gary Herbert,  Becky Lockhart and your legislature, and tell them that we need action to clear up our air.  They need to go all the way on this one, none of this nit-picky-shit.  Do what needs to be done and then do somemore.  Tell them the Lorax sent you.

Oh, but I digress.  Anyway,  everyone was nice, nice, nice.  They started an IV, (Yea, first try) took some blood and began hydrating my kidneys with a liter of saline. Then they hung another small bag of the anti nausea medicine as a precaution.   After that was done, they showed me my Chemo (OUHHH scary) about 500cc of Cispatin,  looked like water.  These are my Navy snipers.  They are going to go throughout my body and search for aberrant cells.  I've given them the go ahead to  engage and destroy.  I didn't feel anything different.  After the Navy seals had been deployed I got another liter of saline to flush my kidneys.   All during this time Jane was by my side and helped me go to the bathroon many, many times.  I have never been this hydrated in my life.  I run pretty dry as a rule.  During long days in the OR, I'll go 6-8 hours with out drinking (water that is).  That has left me with a small spasmotic bladder.  I am a believer in what Bob Hoffman say, "Never pass up a bathroom, and dont trust your farts". 

Thanks for all the positive vibes I got today.  I want to especially thank the Greenlees; Patti, you are too much.  Jennifer Sprague; thank you, thank you, thank you,  Chuck, Sara, Serpico, Nancy and the Lynches for stopping by. The Ponds for resupplying my smoothie fix and the Colemans for the cheeses and the sweets. 

Yesterday, through my meditation on-line site I'm following, I learned how to detach from a situation and look at it from different angles.  I learned to be an observer of my thoughts and actions.  I can see how this will be important in all aspects of my life now and in the future.  I will speak the truth, I will try not to gossip.  I don't take Most things personally and I am trying not to assume.  And I will try to do my best in all I do.  Ha, that may be a hard one.  After reading my blog, the next person you see give them a big hug and tell them you love them.  Smile and be happy.   Cheers   Stevie..