Shawshank decision

Yesterday was a little darker.  It was rainy here.  I felt pretty good in the morning.  I went through my usual routine;  coffee, ensure, smoothie, shower, off to radiation.  The treatment didn't go as smoothly as usual and I met with Dr. Ying - but I'll get back to all that later. When I got home I needed to rest and spent most of the afternoon resting or napping.  During the nap there was the most amazing thunder and lightening storm, I opened the window and just enjoyed.
     The Shawshank Redemption movie came up in a discussion yesterday.  I internalized the story.  A man stuck in a situation he had little control over, eventually making a decision to risk it all and escape.   If you haven't seen the movie it  is worth a view.  It was written by Stephen King and starred Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman.  The climax of the film was when Tim Robbins escaped from the prison.  The escape seems to happen in three parts.  The first third he had to plan and begin working on a way to get out of his cell and the cell block.  Second, was where the" shit hit the fan," so to speak.  He was confronted with crawling a hundred yards through a shit filled sewer pipe.  Uggh!  Also, he didn't know what was at the end of the pipe or if he could escape from the pipe once there, added suspense.  Could he reverse his moves if needed?  Could he maintain composure during the crawl?  Would claustrophobia play a role if he failed?  I remember the scene of him at the entrance of the pipe.  Wow, what a decision to make.  Life or death really.  Would he survive the crawl?  Was it worth the risk to being free?  Where would this strength come from?  Can I do this?
     We all face these decisions.  We all wonder if we can do this.  Some journeys seem or appear harder or more difficult than others.  And granted, the degree of difficulty of some of our decisions are variable.  I guess what I am trying to say is, as Tim is pondering his next move, many things are going through his mind.  Probably all the bad things this will bring.  How hard it will be?  How many times will he choke and puke?  Is there enough air in the pipe to survive?  Is the pipe big enough?  On and On.  As he considered the options and weighed the pros and cons he decided, one, that it was worth the risk and two, the prize at the end of the line would be worth the risk.  He crawled in.  He frickin crawls in.   WOW. 
     I was a little low yesterday.  I had a hard radiation treatment and then met with the ever rosy Dr. Ying.  She asked how things were going now that I was two and a half weeks in.  Being the brave, strong, optimistic person that I am,  I said I was doing well. Small issues: some fatigue, nausea, throat soreness, and a cough.  She said "Oh that very good, now it start to get bad,"  "Hum, how bad will it get?  Like twice as bad?"  "Oh no,  five times as bad."  What? five times as bad.  She went on to describe sores in the mouth, inability to swallow,  extreme fatigue and, oh yea, nausea.  My wind stilled,  my determination lowered and I began to look into the tube of the Shawshank sewer. Yes, I will keep going. Hopefully, it will be better that what the mind can conjure up.  Maybe it is a protective mechanism, but I've found, through my life anyway, I tend to over predict the dread. After it is over, most, not all, but most of the time it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

     The support Jane and my family gets is awesome, unexplained really.  It goes to show how wonderful human beings can be towards each other.  I want to give a special thank you out to my family at the Shriners'
OR.  They stopped over to say they loved me and I hope they know I love them.  They are the best people to work with and I am so lucky to have worked daily with them for the last 15 years or so.  At our hospital we have a real family feeling.  The hospital is small.  2 OR's and only 20 patient rooms.  We only do Orthopedics so there is a lot more coziness and closeness that we all share with each other and with the patients and their families.  We work there for this feeling; it is certainly not for the pay.  We all laugh about that.  They brought me treats to help me along my journey; candies, mounthwash, sexy wipes, socks. bubble bath, chocolates and even some adult Depends (so thoughtful...).

Reminds me of the story when Jane sent me to Rite-aid to get the grandkids some diapers.  I walked in noticing the young pretty clerk behind the counter.  I asked,"Where are the diapers."  "Aisle 5 B, sir,"  came the reply.  I give her a wink and off I went to 5 B.  The only diapers on 5 B were the adult Depends.  What......Adult Depends,  Really........?  I left totally humiliated.  I can laugh now, though.....Oh priceless moments.   Namaste  
     
Screen reader users, click here to turn off Google Instan