Lately, I've not felt so alive, at least not the feeling in the for-mentioned paragraph. Yes, I feel alive in a spiritual and emotional way. But one thing this journey that Jane and I are on is a noticeable lack of energy and ability to do much of anything. They say I am moving into the middle tough part of the treatment. And from here on out, it will get worse for awhile before it gets better. I have now heard this from multiple doctors. I think they are trying to get me ready for something.
For you runners out there I must be at about mile 10 or 11 of a marathon. It has gone well so far. But the first tell tale signs of fatigue and soreness are showing up in the legs. The shoulders are beginning to slump every so slightly. The energy seems harder to muster and the monotonous pounding of step after step begins to take its toll.
I sleep a lot. It is very hard to concentrate. It is even hard to watch TV or a movie. The energy in the brain is just not there. I have at least twenty books by my bedside that I have no interest in reading. If I try to read, I get through a couple of pages then I am exhausted. I have little interest in playing my guitar and/or my mandolin, even though I want to. I just can't find the energy. I guess this is the fatigue they were talking about. It is a real bummer. So, I lay down a lot, nap, sleep, meditate. breath and feel like a complete slug. Jane does everything. She is the greatest, most natural person I have ever met. How we met and how she chose me I will never ever understand. I am just so grateful I am going through this with her. She is making it all possible. Really Namaste.
Hey Steve. It's your job now to sleep. Gotta keep rested as the big fight with those dopey misbehaving cells proceeds.
ReplyDeleteI always needed GU at about that point in a marathon. I hated taking it, hated the taste of it, hated that I needed it but it always seemed to get me across the finish line. Looks like Jane is your GU! Sleep well and rest easy, my friend.
ReplyDeletejillian
For those who have run an actual marathon you all know about mile 20 "The Wall". I've been there my brother in both the actual marathon with the clock at 2 hours and 20 minutes, with only 6 miles to go......right, the last 6 are exponentially more intense than the previous 20, thus Dr. Ying's preparatory talks with you.............and medically (e.g. T cells, white cells, red cells dropping, dropping dropping, infusion uuugggggg), and then it took everything to get to the finish line.
ReplyDeleteThe actual marathon which was immensely difficult took only took a week or so to recover. The medical marathon took years, and I still don't mind it when I don't have to get up at any specific time, or have any timeframes that I'm required to meet.
Thank you for responding to my need for information regarding my grand-daughter's terrible infection. I could tell from your voice that you are definitely beginning to be tested. Mary and my thought's and prayers with you.
You are a wonderful person Steve Santora and we love you. A very wise man once said "This to shall pass.".