Last Monday was a wake up call. My radiation was late, 3 PM. My throat was already pretty rough feeling, but the treatment went OK. However, within 5 or 10 minutes I knew that the game had changed and Dr. Ying was not kidding about the five times worse. My whole head hurt. I had a terrible headache. My mucus, what I had, was think and stringy. My throat was on fire and every time I tried to swallow it felt like I was trying to swallow razor blades. Oh My God.
It's not serious until it's serious. Well, I think it is getting serious. With only 8 radiation treatments to go over a 10 day period, I have serious doubts I can do this. After treatment I lay moaning in bed with poor Jane wondering what she can do to help. Thoughts rushed in and out of my head. I thought about how I should handle this predicament. Should I man up and put on a tolerant face while my mind is screaming, "shit, shit, shit".....Or should I moan and groan, whine and wither, showing just how difficult this is. I need pity. It is so hard to even come up with a game plan when you're in that much discomfort. So hard to do the right thing.
Thank God for drugs. So far I have handled all this pain and discomfort with Tylenol #3's. That's some Tylenol with a little bit of codeine thrown in. Very mild narcotic. After telling Diane, (Dr. Ying's nurse practitioner) about my new symptoms she prescribed for me Oxycontin; one every 12 hours. I took one when I got home and within an hour things were tolerable again. Still uncomfortable ( still need a little pity) but much improved. I can think a little clearer as well. It was very interesting how confusing things were when I was in such misery. Don't ever let me make a decision in that state of mind.
The hardest thing about going through cancer treatment is the time it takes. It seems to go on forever. Slow motion. The days tick along slowly. Because of the fatigue, and my inability to do very much, other than sit or lay about, time goes even slower. I don't know how to make this better. I guess it is just part of cancer treatment. It takes awhile. I knew that going in and I did pretty well until this last segment as symptoms are changing for the worse, at least for now. For all the other people that have gone through cancer treatment, my respect for you is growing every day. You are all so strong. You are brave and a shinning example of how to go through this. Namaste
Love, love, love the pic! I'm not surprised that getting rid of the misbehaving cells has been so very, very painful since they decided to reside in a such sensitive area.
ReplyDeleteWe are optimistic that the terrible investment will pay off so that you are once again atop that beautiful spire.
We are loving your writing - and you.
Oh Steve, you have my every analgesic thought. I'm not sure how you can write so eloquently while hurting so much. Blows my mind. Loving waves coming your way!
ReplyDeleteIf my math is correct, your treatments should now be over.
ReplyDeleteI know you really like Dr. Ying, it's a shame she's a fire breathing dragon. How did you ever manage to swallow a pain pill? That seems incredibly ridiculous to me.
I had a throat procedure several years back and during the procedure they caused a tear in my esophagus. To verify the problem, they made me swallow a pill and they watched with whatever technology they have as it went down my throat, to see if the tear was something they were going to have to do something about. It hurt to swallow the pill but the pain that came when the pill passed by the tear was, well all I can say is that it's kind of like BS that some doctor would think that was the best way to test my esophagus injury. Incredible pain. They kept me around for about an hour, then prescribed a pain pill to help me out. I had to swallow another fricking pill to get any pain relief. You've got to be kidding me. Why not just give it to me IV? These doctors are sadists.
And I know this was only a small portion of the type of pain your throat is generating. I'm very skeptical now about doctors and the things they like to try. I generally won't let a doctor do a procedure on me now, if they haven't been through it themselves. If they haven't, then I require IV Demerol and Versed before the procedure. The Demerol puts you in the zone where you just don't care (out of body experience) and the Versed makes you forget what they did, so everything is good. This works out much much better.
Hoping you've passed the finish line and will now be on the mend. I'm looking forward to coming by and seeing you. I'll wait to read your next blog to make sure you OK for visits.
Wow, your description is perfectly eloquent. I can barely swallow just reading about what you're going through. You have the pity you deserve but more than that my undying respect for chronicling the journey. MANY, MANY prayers and well wishes. Miss you terribly!
ReplyDeleteSteve, Heather mentioned on Facebook you had concluded your treatment. Very glad to hear it and congratulations. You've been in my thoughts.
ReplyDelete-Ben West
Indeed it is painful and the suffering is intense. But it's not about "manning" up. It's about kicking the beasts ass. There are moments doing it for your loved ones isn't even close to being enough. You have to dig deep and do it for you, Do it to win! Because no matter how strong you thought you were up to now, when it comes to defeating this beast you find that deep inside of you lays the fiercest warrior who's strength is endless. Powerful. And is fueled by love and all of the energy that is flowing into you from all of us.....survivors, friends and family. You are winning. Keep pushing forward. Eye on the prize. And welcome to the survivors club! We are the elite. Winning baby!
ReplyDeleteCarrie Ann Kemp, Survivor